March 14, 2012

Inappropriate Jokes; Cat Update; Dream Tattoo; Anemia Update; "Yummy"

My 13-year-old son made a crude "That's what he said" joke. And expected me to find it funny. I need a gagging/cringing/WTF/scowling emoticon.

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We got the best update possible about the cat: she was adopted less than 24 hours after we brought her to the shelter, by an older lady who lives alone and wanted a pleasant feline companion. It's such a perfect outcome, it made me a little suspicious: it has that "sent to a farm where he can run and play" sound.

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I dreamed last night that I got a tattoo on my THROAT. It was a heart, and below it the words "all i need"---all in lowercase like that. At first I was so happy with it, and I was telling family and friends that I knew it seemed like nothing I'd ever planned, and also wildly impractical for someone who doesn't like turtlenecks or scarves, but that I loved it and was so glad I'd gotten it.

But soon it was like my brain woke up a bit and started engaging with the dream more, and I was thinking, "...Wait. But removing capitals is not my style! And even WITH capitals, what would that phrase...SIGNIFY? And why the heart? Does it tie in to the phrase, or is it separate? And oh man, I'm just going to have to pay for laser removal, aren't I? And now I have that Jack Wagner song going through my head." So then I started saying to friends/family, "I know, I know, I don't know what I was thinking, clearly a mistake, I'm getting it removed." I was relieved to wake up and find I didn't have to pony up the dough for that procedure.

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The comments on the anemia post (small increases are good; it can take awhile; some people just sort of struggle their whole lives to keep their iron up even as high as Edward's low) have really helped me feel better about Edward's anemia situation, especially since we just paid another $250 for blood tests that showed us once again a tiny improvement that to me seems insignificant (and worrisome in its insignificance, considering our efforts). The $25/month Floradix didn't work the miracles I was hoping for; now we're trying the $5-for-100 28mg ferrous gluconate tablets.

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William complained to me that his art teacher keeps describing everything as "yummy." I told him he could definitely find sympathy on the internet for that.

25 comments:

Leeann said...

The cat update was good news! I literally guffawed at your suspicion of the farm though. I probably would have thought the same thing.

And while I have no tattoos, the idea of one that says "all i need" is actually kind of pleasant, as far as tattoos go.

The teen jokes? get worse. And LOTS Of farting.

Suniverse said...

I'm always surprised when I have the weird dream and kind of wake up enough to realize that what I'm doing is completely bizarre, because come on, IT'S A DREAM, LET ME LIVE A LITTLE!

The worst is when I'm thisclose to hooking up with a new guy and then I remember I'm married and have to somehow work that into the dream.

Too much for a first time comment? Probably.

Fun blog - here via Bibliomama.

Holly said...

I think this is the first blog mention of Jack Wagner I've ever come across! It made me smile and remember how all the girls in my middle school loved him. (I may not be smiling in a few hours when I still have that song stuck in my head though)

StephLove said...

I have an aunt who says things are delicious. As "That new floor is delicious." When I was a kid I thought it was hilarious.

Gina said...

Before you even got to saying anything about the Jack Wagner song, I was singing the damned Jack Wagner song. The plus side (maybe) is that it got the damned David Cassidy song out of my head.

Lora said...

I need an emoticon for the word "yummy". I was recently in a class where someone described a post-partum belly (and by post-partum, I mean that the kids are in their 30s) as "yummy". I didn't like it one bit.

And yeah about the cat. But maybe they wouldn't bother lying about that sort of stuff.

Cayt said...

Just the idea of making a "that's what she/he said" type joke to my parents makes me cringe, and I'm in my 20s. (Incidentally, in my friend group, we tend to go with 'sounds like my first time' instead of that's what s/he said.)

Slim said...

But there was a heart, so you were saying LOVE is all you need. Cue Beatles. Or maybe "Ya gotta have heart." Showtune!

Ix-nay on the Ack-jay Agner-way.

Alice said...

oh man, a neck tattoo. HEEEE. i think solely of large, heavily tattooed, potential gang-member men when i think neck tattoos, so this is making an awesome mental picture for me. you, stepping out of your car, maybe with all the Littles in tow, to pick William up from school, while all the other moms try not to stare at your totally baller neck tattoo.

Nicole said...

I had an economics professor who described everything as "sexy" - a sexy formula, a sexy economic outcome, a sexy graph. It was so hot! Kidding. It was actually kind of repulsive. Just like the guy I worked for who would constantly use the term "Open the kimono" and every single time I would picture him in a kimono, opening it, and I would want to sob.

Brooke said...

My same-age-as-your son stepson started in with the "that's what she said" jokes about a year ago. He's not so much crude as bad at it. I'm not 100% sure he even knows what the joke...means? But we thought it was HILARIOUS and now we say it to him anytime he says something that works well with it. Sometimes we have to get control of our laughter because my husband and I often think of the joke at the same time, and we are like, "That...that's wha- what she said!"

Heather said...

I had a dream this week in which I took my pet kangaroo on holiday with me to the UK! Which ok, was a fun dream but then what about quarantine? Plus I dont HAVE a pet kangaroo...and how would I get anywhere on my holiday, kangaroos dont go in cars! I woke up because my brain knew it wasnt possible. But for the first few minutes it was fun having everyone in England stop to chat to me/pat my kangaroo lol.

Beylit said...

Ok I have no idea who Jack Wagner is. I am terrible with names though, so I probably totally know what song you are talking about, but I just don't realize it. My brain automatically made the Beatles reference to "All you need is love", but I am a huge Beatles fan so there you go. I think it would actually be a lovely tattoo, the sort of thing my mom would get if she had tattoos (which she can't have for weird medical reasons), though not on her neck. I would think like wrist would be appropriate for something like that.

Swistle said...

Leeann- NOOOooooooo! How can these kids who run screaming from the room if I try to talk to them about The Facts of Life make these JOKES!?

Swistle said...

Suniverse- I hate that too!! When I'm dieting, I have dreams about desserts---and I DON'T EAT THEM! What a gyp!

JEN said...

5-for-100 28mg ferrous gluconate tablets worked better than anything to bring my iron up. Just an FYI. They are hard on the digestion though - will def want to increase the fiber.

-R- said...

The cat story must be true, right? Why would they make that up! Yay for the cat!

Bibliomama said...

Yeah, from a 13-year-old? No. I would totally make that joke to my parents, but I'm 41 and my parents are just like that. And I do the same thing in dreams - once I dreamed I had a third baby and it was a girl and I was incredibly happy, and then I realized I was going away that week-end (which I really was) and realized it wasn't going to work out and got all panicky. Also, I told Suniverse to come here AND SHE DID. I'm giddy with power.

Stimey said...

It bothers me when people refer to kids as delicious. I know they mean well and that they think that the kids are super cute, but it drives me CRAZY every time.

Yay for the cat! I'm so happy to hear that!

brzeski said...

I have the tattoo dream ALL THE TIME! That I've gotten a super dumb tattoo and in the dream, I'm happy about it but then it slowly dawns on me that I've done something SO STUPID! A dream example: A huge Daffy Duck tattoo on my stomach. (I am not a Loony Tunes fan, nor do I have the kind of stomach that should feature ink.) The upside is that it makes it such a relief to wake up. For the record, I actually have 2 tattoos that I am moderately happy with. So I can't quite parse this dream. But it scares the beans out of me every time. Daffy Duck!

Anonymous said...

It almost makes me cringe for the art teacher, who probably thinks she's being relate-able or super cute or something. Eeesh.

d e v a n said...

Whoops, that last anonymous was me.

Holly said...

P.S. After your post made me think about Jack Wagner for the first time in perhaps decades, I just saw an ad for the next season of Dancing with the Stars, and guess who is one of the contestants!

Hotch Potchery said...

Our kids are VERY inappropriate with the jokes, but they make me laugh. The kids love to try to shock me, but I can shut them up with a vague, "this one time your Dad and I ..." and they die thinking that we have done stuff!!

Superjules said...

Oh I love the dream tattoo. Ha ha! All lowercase letters! To increase the meaningfulness! all i need is... my heart in my throat ?