Here is the problem with self-deprecation: it sets the bar. It shows other people where we draw the line.
When we say, "Oh my god, please excuse the house, it's a MESS!," we might mean to be saying, "Please don't think less of me because my house is messy, I'm sure your house is WAY BETTER," but what we're inadvertently saying is, "This is what I consider unacceptable. If your house is better than this, it might or might not be fine; if it is the same or worse, it is unacceptable or beyond unacceptable, and now you know what I think of it."
When we say, "Oh my god, I am so fat, I am so out of shape!," we might mean to be saying, "Please don't think less of me because of how I look," but what we're inadvertently saying is, "This is what I consider unacceptable. If you are thinner than me or more in shape than me, you might or might not be okay. If you are comparably as fat/unfit, or MORE fat/unfit, you are unacceptable too, and now you know what I think of you."
When we say ANYTHING that judges ourselves, we're telling someone else how we judge. Even if we only judge OURSELVES that harshly, and actually look at other people through a much softer lens.
(I feel like I need to offer a benediction after that, and perhaps communion. JUDGE NOT, LEST YOU INADVERTENTLY JUDGE OTHERS. GO IN PEACE. And have one bite of bread and one sip of wine on your way out.) (Also, I will forget this in 10 minutes and resume attempting to tell people they are better than me, while inadvertently telling them otherwise.)
Shopping ideas for summer fun - Normally this time of year I’m buying a batch of Summer Survival Gear Treats. I like to buy a new CD for the driving back and forth to lessons and camp; a ...