It feels weird not to be at BlogHer. It has started to seem like "Bloggers go to BlogHer." Like, if we're bloggers, why aren't we there? What are we missing? Are we making a mistake? Too late now.
I don't know if this comes through in Teh Writing, but I am a socially fearful person. I'm SCARED to meet you. I would need to DRINK or MEDICATE, and afterward I would fret about every single thing I said or didn't say, and my face would be burning with embarrassment, and I would be thinking I should never go out in public again. And I do realize that it's pretty common to declare nervousness and/or awkness about social stuff, and so not particularly interesting. But here we are at BlogHer time, and it's on my mind.
The fashion element of BlogHer makes me nervous. All the talk of mani/pedis, diets, new clothes, new shoes, worrying about what to wear, getting new highlights, debuting cute new outfits. I'd been thinking I'd wear what I wear every day, which is Lands' End jeans and an Old Navy t-shirt and, like, sandals, and I'd put my hair back in a clip as usual. But I don't think that would work, not without making a Big Counter-Culture Deal about it.
I worry because people talk about how cliquey it is, and how "the cool bloggers" don't spend enough time talking to everyone else, and it sounds like a minefield of misunderstandings and hurt feelings and unintentional snubs and mental rankings and assorted celebrity issues, and I hate the whole "cool kids' lunch table" concept that gets so overused.
I worry because in person I'm different than I am in writing. In writing, I'm not scared, and I'm social. In person, I hide and cringe. In college I took a one-weekend job where I had to talk to the general public as they entered the store, and I ended up hiding in the bathroom and I am not kidding. Hiding in the bathroom at BlogHer seems like a big waste of money.
And everybody has roommates, right? So I wouldn't be able to hide in my room, and it would be people people people every minute. And how do people split bills and choose a lights-out time and figure out who gets to use the shower first OMG?
Well. I do want to go. I do. Do you? I do want to meet you. I do want to look cute. I don't want BlogHer to be different than it is, even though that's the way I think of it when I'm thinking of why I'm too scared to go. But I'm stuck. I'm too scared to go.
Why aren't you there?
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