I have so many really great emails from friends, sitting there in my inbox like little jewels, waiting for me to....I guess I wouldn't be answering a jewel. Well, so that's perfect then! I'm too distracted to focus on them, because Paul left for work angry this morning, and even though he wasn't angry at ME, it was still a poor way to start the day.
I was already a little crabby with him because he once again hogged the hot water, and I don't know how he can continue doing that even after I've explained that the way I see it, he's weighing out the hot water in his hands, saying, "I will divide this between my sweetheart and me, and I will do it in the way I think is most fair"---and then he takes 85% of it for himself, so what does that mean about how he feels about me?
And so I was doing some nice careful breathing (through my SHIVERS), and also reminding myself that Paul is not someone who Thinks Symbolically, and even when I point out the symbolism to him he doesn't see it that way, so I need to not always take it so personally, because it doesn't mean he doesn't love me, it just means he's an oblivious fathead.
But because he also hogged the available showering TIME (AS PER USUAL), I got out of the shower kind of late---so he was already a teeny bit late for work when he went out to his car, realized he'd forgotten something, and then realized he'd locked himself out and couldn't ring the doorbell because he'd wake the couple of children who were not yet awake, and didn't have his key because it was already in the ignition of the car, way down the driveway.
His knock was kind of irritable, and when I opened the door for him he made an irritable remark about the stupidness of our whole door-locking system, and I just let that go because I'm familiar with those kinds of feelings and know it doesn't do any good to have someone telling you reasonably that maybe you're just a little crabby about something else and perhaps we don't need to go rushing out to buy a new door this very morning.
(Although perhaps we WILL need to buy a new door if someone keeps SHUTTING it so IRRITABLY. I'm just saying.)
Well, and then he got back out to his car and realized he'd forgotten something else, and a swear word was launched into the fresh morning air, and I had to do some fast thinking. When people around me get angry, I catch it like I'm a lightning rod. And then it has to be redirected at something, and I'd prefer that not be the case when it's just me and the kids in the house, because then a cat is going to get shoved with a foot or a tray of cookies is going to get eaten. Or TWO trays.
You know how worry can morph rapidly into anger? Like when someone is late and you're picturing them in a car crash and imagining how you'd probably have to be sedated when the doctor came out of the operating room with the bad news, and then they waltz in all perky and "Oh, am I late?," and you think maybe you should be sedated NOW lest there be bad news SOON? I wondered if that might work in the opposite direction too, so I tried to change my budding anger into worry. "He's crabby, and he's late, and now he'll be a little bit later, and so he probably won't drive safely," I told myself. "He could easily Never Come Home." Not quite enough. "This could be The Last Time You See His Face." Better. "Later, you'll remember every moment of this morning. This LAST morning." There!
Meanwhile he was stomping through the house to get the thing he forgot, and then stomping past again and shutting the door too hard behind him, and I tried harder to picture him in a hospital bed all hooked up to tubes and machines. Then he REVVED out of the driveway and I added some pitiful bruises to his unconscious face. And put out a stick of butter to soften for cookies.
Life-improving products, part 4 - (Continued from part 1, part 2, and part 3.) Stearns Youth Life Vest (photo from Amazon.com). I’d been too scared to take the kids to any body of water oth...