July 17, 2008

Blogstle

Mona and I have been wracking our brains: what can those of us who are NOT going to BlogHer do while everyone else is busy showing each other their cute outfits and talking about Promoting Their Brands? I was thinking of some sort of "All Eating, All the Time" weekend. We could call it This Little Piggy Stayed Home.

But I will still be fasting this weekend. I have stopped feeling sorry that I did not start the same day Erica did: 7 days is PLENTY of this.

Do you know, if I were designing Swistle's Ideal Blogger Conference (Blogstle), I would want it to be a jean-and-tees event. Pajamas would be okay, too. Comfy shoes. Ponytails. Now entering the mascara-free zone.

Lots of food: big buffet tables of pizza and chicken and tacos and chips and these potatoes, a big freezer case of ice cream pints (container of spoons nearby), big pots of melted cheese and melted chocolate and pizza sauce for dipping. We'd skip the vegetables, even if we like them, so that no one could make anyone else feel bad by self-righteously eating nothing but a plate of produce and then claiming to be stuffed.

There would be no "early morning yoga" to sign up for, heavens no. There would be no early-morning ANYTHING to sign up for: if I have time away from the kids, I am SLEEPING IN. Things to sign up for would include:
  • Breakfast in Bed (Served at 10:30 a.m.)
  • Dessert in Bed (Served at 10:30 p.m.)
  • Someone Else Doing Our Nails While We Sit in a Long Row and Talk
  • Haircuts Without Having to Arrange Babysitting
  • Seminar: Is This Fun or What?
  • Seminar: Are You Tired of Hearing Yourself Called a Narcissist Because You Write Publicly? and Other Blogger Woes
  • Debate: Pie, Yummy or Yucky? (Tastes Provided)
  • Brownie Lesson: Bake a Batch or Just Sit Near Counter and Watch/Taste/Talk
  • Debate: Fudge, With or Without Nuts? (Pound of Each Provided to Each Participant)
  • Book Club Meeting: Everyone Lie Around With a Lightweight Book She Wants to Read, Reading Funny/Interesting Parts Aloud
  • Fitness: Watch 1980s Fitness Videos and Make Snorting Sounds
  • Lab: Try Every Single Sephora Philosophy Product Ever Made
  • Hanging Around Talking

If you are interested in other events, please let me know and I'll see if I can find an instructor.

107 comments:

Misty said...

This sounds way better than any conference I have ever attended. Let's pick a location!

caleyadams said...

There are very few things that Id be willing to leave the kids with my husband for for an extended amount of time (he's a great dad but dude is COMPLETELY HELPLESS). Not to mention the wreck of a house that I'd have to come back to.

But this? Would be totally worth it. I so wish that Blogstle were not just a fantasy!

Leaf, probably... said...

Now that sounds like the conference for me! Where do I sign up?

Also i think maybe you might want to think about including a documentary/ movie review... something chick flick-ish (Can we count love actually as a doco?)Or just a movie with johnny depp in it.

Beanbag seating, and lollies, soda, and icecream provided...

Jill said...

Fashion: Everybody brings clothes that no longer fit/they're sick of and have a big swap.

Seriously Swistle: if you build it, we will come.

Mrs. M said...

you made my day!

mom of the year said...

I wish writers' conferences were Swistle-esque. I think I might attend more if they were. You should get this thing together and I AM SO THERE!

Kristin.... said...

When? Where? OMG I would be there.

Fiona Picklebottom said...

Oh, DO this! How about Hawaii?

Elizabeth said...

I'm seriously depressed that Blogstle does not actually exist.

I would like to add a Donut Tasting Seminar, and a Lying Around in the Sun Drinking Booze while reading US Weekly and Determining that Everyone is Photoshopped Class.

Erica said...

We could have a great big old "redistribution of clutter" meeting, too!

Oh, Swistle, just when I think I can't possibly love you any more, you write something like this.

jonniker said...

Oh my God. This is the best. The best thing ever. YES. I WANT TO TALK ABOUT PIE.

I also want to read chick-lit out loud to each other! And lay around on big stuffed pillows! And eat CHEESY POTATOES.

Roxanne said...

Okay, I'm in! Sounds like the best conference ever. :)

Amy @ Milk Breath and Margaritas said...

I'm in! Pie should be a food group.

Mandee - I Think You Should said...

How about: Head massage or foot massage? Which Is The Most Relaxing?

And, everyone gets to control her own remote.

moo said...

How about CHICK FLICKS: Why We Love Them (with a running marathon that you can pop in and out of). With big comfy arm chairs.

Oh, and I'm pregnant.

Pickles & Dimes said...

Sign me up!

Nowheymama said...

"This Little Piggy Stayed Home" just made my day. Thank you.

But really, could we have a Virtual Blogstle while everyone is gone? We have to do something!

Amy said...

You had me at "pajamas". And again at "buffet" lol.

staci said...

Sign me up. It sounds awesome!

Linda said...

I thought this sounded perfect and then Elizabeth added booze and US Weekly and made it better!

Lawyerish said...

Don't forget hair-braiding and shoulder rubs!

I am SO THERE.

Now? Can we do it NOW?

Karly said...

Seriously, get that scheduled. I'm sure you could find SOMEWHERE to host such an event. You did, however, forget to mention the liquor. There would be liquor, right?

And thanks for the link! You should really make those when you finish your fast...soooo yummy!

Jess said...

What about Move Into Blogging House from Swistle's Dream Together??

Caitlin said...

Yes! A screening room for movies where there are couches and free foot massages are given during the showings! And a buffet of toppings next to the ice cream freezer! And, and a massage parlor!
Oh! And pool boys to wave palm fronds at us. BLIND pool boys, actually, so we don't feel guilty for eating ice cream while staring at their six packs, because they are blind and cannot see us any way.

Plus then if they are blind we can make lewd gestures at them to make other bloggers laugh and.....oh. Wait, is Blogstle rated R? Please tell me it's rated R.

Di said...

I'd like a session on "Why Checking the Blackberry While the Baby is In the Room Is NOT Enough.." if you please

Also, a 24-hour screening room of nothing but Johnny Depp movies and lots of popcorn.

Man, I am so there!

Shannon said...

Must. Make. Potatoes.

Remember, lots and lots of coffee. And wine. And no worrying if the baby will wake you up hungover and grumpy. or an emergency will happen while inebriated and unable to drive.

Clarabella said...

Ok, that settles it, I'm working on my blog so I can attend. Can we have it at that blog-house you dreamt of? The one you and Sundry ran that I seem to remember was full of overstuffed chairs and soft-serve ice cream machines? Or at least that's how I imagined it.

Melinda said...

To entertain you while you are fasting and not at BlogHer, are you watching "Dr Horrible", the 3 part web series by Joss Whedon? http://www.drhorrible.com/
You should check it out. I know you loved Firefly. I watched the first episode last night. FUNNY. Second was released today and third will be released Saturday. Then they'll all be gone on Sunday. Quick! Run do it now! *brisk clapping in your general direction*

Sally said...

I hope I dream about this tonight.

Omaha Mama said...

You could (should) totally be an events coordinator! Maybe you should (could) just write three posts a day this weekend so that those of us at home have something to read!

artemisia said...

Oh, this is actually very, very sweet.

houndrat said...

Yum, pie. And what about, "Cookies 101--is there really such a thing as too many chocolate chips?"

I'm so there....

the planet of janet said...

i'm pretty sure i can be there in about an hour. 'k?

Eleanor Q. said...

Count me in! Are we making s'mores at some point too?

Mimi said...

Oh, I want those potatoes too. And everything else you said. Really bad.

Meredith said...

ooohhhh - you need a Movie Event - nothing Disney allowed. Also - buttery popcorn and wine provided.

maggie said...

Will there be wine? I AM SO THERE.

Laura said...

I would book a ticket today if you told me you were really having this. I am not even kidding. It sounds like heaven!

skiplovey said...

I'm there faster than you can say pedicures and brownie lesson.

and for the record, pie - yummy. especially with a big ole scoop of ice cream, I think the frenchies call it a la mode.

Emily said...

As long as you promise me no one will freeze my bra...

Jess said...

Booyah. That's what I'm talking about. I'd like to add a massage session too please.

Lasha said...

This sounds amazing. Especially with Shannon's addition of lots of coffee and wine!

Missy said...

Sign me up. It sounds amazing.

minnie said...

sounds like woolfcamp. you should come to our next one!!!
when will it be? i do not know!

allstarme said...

LOL. I am SO there.

MaryB said...

I am SO THERE!!! But Imwearing mascara and lip gloss with my pajamas - what can i say/ Im a southern girl!

ALSO - this pie nonsense???? I refer you to the chocolicious pie on my blog and dare a chocolate lover to not like it! PIE ROCKS!!!!! Mus t stop talking about pie now lest I cave...

Name your time and place - Im packing!

Kelsey said...

I got actual tears in my actual eyes thinking about this. You do realize that you must now win the lottery and MAKE IT SO.

Someone Being Me said...

I'm in. I'll be there in my comfy jeans and flip flops. Will this involve things like going to the bathroom without a wailing child. I can conduct a seminar on how to create the perfect margarita to go with your hot sauce, chips and guacamole.

Eva said...

When they were doling out funny, you must have grabbed an extra helping, probably mine.

Mandy said...

LOVE this:)

stephanie said...

oh HECK YEAH!

Misty said...

Doncha love how moo just snuck that right on in there? I am impressed.

Melissa said...

HA! You are fantasizing about food ENDLESS food while fasting.

That usually happens to me when I fast for even a day lol.

Sarah said...

That sounds like my DREAM conference!! Sign me up!! I'm all for sleeping in!!! And Dessert in bed? But wait...why is it limited to 10:30PM...can't we have that at 2PM too? That IS nap-time...right?

Wait, how about wig-making for the frazzled mother...how to use the hair you pull out to create a stylish new wig!?

Mommy Daisy said...

Where do I sign up? If you could make this a reality, you'd be rich Swistle. I think most of us would pay quite a bit for such an event. Sounds heavenly to me.

Swistle said...

Leaf, Probably & Meredith- Oh, DEFINITELY a movie night! Yes! Maybe one night it could be "high school movies" (John Cusack Festival, basically, plus Molly Ringwald). Another night it could be Hottties (Johnny Depp et all). Hooting/catcalls encouraged.

Jill- YES, clothes swap! Jewelry, too! I have a bunch of earrings and necklaces I am never going to wear again but can't seem to toss in the trash.

Elizabeth- Donuts and booze and US Weekly, got it!

Erica- Enormous swap table, yes!

Mandee & Jess- YES, massage-relaxation comparison should include scalp, back, and feet. We may need to try all of them MANY TIMES to reach a conclusion.

Moo- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! Congratulations! Happy day!

Lawyerish- Hair-braiding, shoulder rubs....got it down!

Jess Loolu & Clarabella- What I need to do is buy the huge Victorian, and everyone local can come all the time, and then once a year (twice a year?) we fly everyone else in for a huge sleepover visit.

Caitlin- Oh, blind pool boys! *smacks forehead* I almost forgot the blind pool boys! And of COURSE it would be rated R!

Di- I also think free Blackberrys for everyone, don't you?

Shannon- Coffee bar, CHECK. Lots of flavored creamers to choose from.

Melinda- I just ordered Paul to look into it for me! He's typey-typey-typing right now!

Houndrat- How about "Chocolate Chips: The Tipping Point"? We could do an additional 1/4th cup with each batch, until we reach the point where we get Fail.

Eleanor Q- S'mores, DEFINITELY s'mores. Adding "fireplace" to list.

Maggie- Wine, check!

Emily- No bra freezing, got it! I'll put it in the admission contract.

MaryB- It might only be FRUIT pies I don't like. I usually like the "graham cracker and pudding and cool whip" type very much. Chocolate sounds promising.

Kelsey- Oh, WOULDN'T it be wonderful??

Someone Being Me- Okay, I've got you down for the margarita seminar!

Swistle said...

Sarah- Perhaps Dessert in Bed could be an hourly thing?

Mairzy said...

One of your more inspired posts. August and I loved it. HE couldn't come, but I'm signing up right now. Can we have a session on "Things People Blog About That Drive Us Crazy"?

velocibadgergirl said...

Sign me up! I'll bring cookies & zucchini bread for everyone! :D

-R- said...

I volunteer to teach How To Make The Best Margaritas (one gallon of margarita provided to each attendee).

Blogstle sounds like the BEST!

Type (little) a said...

I'm in.

caleyadams said...

Dude. I had to come back and comment AGAIN because you've got me all "Oh why oh why can't this be a real thing???" I've been thinking about it all evening, since I read this post, and I keep going, "Oooh, and we could do this! And THIS!" and I am so so sad that this is only in our heads.

I must reeeeeally be in need of a vacation!

Farrell said...

Swistle: I would without a doubt attend your conference. In a heartbeat.
MAKE IT HAPPEN!

Michelle said...

Wow. How do I sign up? I need to arrange for the vacation days at work!

You did miss one seminar - Massage techniques to ease neck strain from bending over the keyboard!

Oh! And I got my present from ParkingAtHome today (YAY!) and will be posting picks and my PIF tomorrow.

Barb @ getupandplay said...

I'm there! I'll bring my brownie recipes and my elastic waist pants.

Leeann said...

Heaven on earth, babe, that's what that would be.

I TRIPLE DOG DARE YOU to actually pull off a cool event like this, because I would go to it.

Leeann
niccofive.blogspot.com

Kate @ Life As I Live It said...

I too would attend. And I'd volunteer my talents by leading a discussion of The Finer Points of Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream and a taste test of each kind.

Also, I'd vote for and attend some kind of craft session, where each person who does something crafty could demonstrate and we could all participate. Kind of like an Etsy daycamp!

Sign me UP.

Woman with a Hatchet said...

I would go to Blogstle! The not waking up early thing and the melted chocolate got me!

Swistle said...

Caley- Like Kelsey, I have actually had my eyes WELL UP thinking about it! Like, my mind goes searching for a way it could be TRUE! Maybe I will inherit a huge old Victorian from a relative I didn't even know I had! Maybe I will win a beautiful old hotel in a pay-it-forward contest!

Swistle said...

-R-- I think we need to set up you and Someone Being Me in a debate/tester margarita room. Each of you can present your case for The Best Margarita. Then all of us will sample. And sample. And sample.

Kate- Excellent, YES: Ben & Jerry's seminar. Spoons and pints all 'round. And YES Etsy daycamp!

Shannon said...

Now that's my kind of conference. It would be full in less then 3 minutes! Should we sign up now just incase the dream comes true? : )

shoeaddict said...

Oh, this could SO happen. People would pay to go. You could do it!! Genius.

fairydogmother said...

How did I miss this yesterday, and more importantly WHERE DO I SIGN UP?

Vicki said...

People would pay for something this awesome. You do know that you could get icecream companies to sponsor it just for the test group appeal. And you could get furniture makers to sponsor with their most comfortable couchs for the "test group". And you could get people from the cleaning places to show you how well they can clean up the couch when someone spills something so that they can advertise. Then you could get the companies wanting to test aromatherapy stuff to come. I totally love this idea. All you need are a bunch of corporate sponsors to put it together and sell tickets. You could hold it at one of those big houses in the countryside that has a fireplace in almost every room. This could be sooooo great!

el-e-e said...

You people are all brilliant, brilliant. I would give you my money to attend this educational extravaganza.

Now, who's going to room with me?? :) Oh, the pillow fights we shall have!

Amanda said...

Sign me up! It sounds dreamy!

Stacey said...

I'm all for it!! Would this be an east coast or west coast event? How about renting a place in Vermont in the winter so we could all say we were going skiing but actually we just drink and watch people ski? Eye exercise.

JustACliche said...

I'm in. Sounds like heaven. This is the most fabulous idea I have ever heard. You rock! Blogstle 2009!!!!

Tara said...

Can those without blogs, but who love to read blogs (i.e. "blog groupies"), attend this event? Because I would SO be there, in a heartbeat. Amen.

You are my hero, Swistle!

Swistle said...

Stacey- It seems like we should gradually sample the entire world: East Coast U.S., West Coast U.S., and then of course Paris, Japan, Switzerland, etc.

Tara- Oh YES, definitely! Of course, you would probably have everyone trying to talk you into starting a blog!

nikki said...

Oh heck yes. Sign me up twice. And every woman has her own maid to pick up after her. And hunky pool boys with biceps and six packs to feed us grapes and fan us with giant palm leaves should we decide to laze my the pool.

Pixie said...

Where oh where do I sign up? I would pay large amounts of dollars to attend. I shall start writting a blog right now if I am required to have a blog to attend. Also I will be the one in my pj's the whole time.
Also this should be a week long event just so there is time for everyone to completely relax before we have to go back home to cranky husbands and kids and messy houses.

Michelle said...

When does registration open? Also, please make sure the spoons for the ice cream are sturdy, not the spork-y, plastic kind that would break after a couple of scoops of cold ice cream. Or perhaps we could arrange it so the ice cream is just a little bit soft and perfect for scooping with plastic spoons. I just went on way too long about ice cream. So deprived.

Amber said...

DUDE! I will TOTALLY help you organize this. Also, I think if we made Sephora an offical sponsor, we could totally get some free stuff.

I'm in for Blogstle, anyplace, anytime.

-R- said...

Swistle, I seriously had a dream last night about Blogstle. It was great!

(Let's pretend that it is not pathetic to have a dream about the blog of someone I've never met.)

Erin said...

Oh sign me up. I'm so there! That would be the best conference ever!

pseudostoops said...

Oooh, yes, let's. I particularly like "Someone Else Doing Our Nails While We Sit in a Long Row and Talk" and also would suggest "the tasting of many cheeses on lots and lots of crusty breads" and also "ice cream flavors tournament of champions, complete with a bracket and heated voting and the obvious eventual victory of coffee oreo."

Anonymous said...

That sounds like absolute heaven! When shall I book my flight?!

Kristin

Wonderful World of Weiners said...

No mascara? Are we heathens??

Hallie :)

Small Change said...

Hi Swistle- been reading your blog for a couple months now, but first time poster. I'd sign up for your conference! Having just started my own blog I'm new to all this, so don't even really "get" the whole blogher thing!
jill

Finding My New Normal said...

What about a seminar on spa services and how to choose a good massuese/pedicurist/manicurist with those on hand to give actual examples?

Also, Facebook updating; Obsessive or informative? and Should I friend this person even though I haven't seen them in over 25 years?

Lippy said...

psuedostoops- YES to crusty breads and tasty cheeses. Now I want to cry, because I have no crusty bread, but I think I saw a dried up cheese stick in the van!

Mairzy said...

Wait, Swistle, has anybody yet mentioned that we need to have a Baby Naming seminar? Maybe help pregnant moms name their babies? I'm sure Laura Wattenberg would be available if you asked her now.

Swistle said...

Nikki- Maids, yes...*writes note to self*...pool boys, yes; biceps and palm branches, yes...*another note*...

Michelle- No, I think you're right: we need regular spoons for this. There would be an initial outlay, but then we could use the spoons year after year so it wouldn't be too bad. Oh, but that means the pool boys also need to be able to wash dishes in the evenings. *writes note to self*

-R-- Oh, LUCKY!

Pseudostoops- Oh, yes! Cheeses and crusty breads, yes! Coffee Oreo, though? I'm taking your champion DOWN with MY champion, Brownies & Cream.

Finding My New Normal- YES, choosing a manicurist/pedicurist---good one! Facebook seminar, YES.

Mairzy- HOW COULD WE HAVE FORGOTTEN?? Yes of COURSE there needs to be a baby naming seminar! And if The Baby Name Wizard's new book is out by then, a free copy for everyone!

Jeninacide said...

OMG I am sooo IN!

annenahm said...

Where's my invite?

Julie said...

I waaaant to goooooooooo to Blogstle! (stomping feet and whining)

d e v a n said...

In!

Saly said...

Oh after the day I had today you had me at brownies.

Fine For Now said...

I am so not cool enough to go to Blogher, but I think I am cool enough for Blogstle!

You are awesome :)

Shelly Overlook said...

I love you even more than ever.

Bird said...

Sounds a lot like my recent vaca. Either way, sign me up although I'd like to suggest a seminar topic:

Explaining to your friends and family how you know someone even though you haven't met them.

Swistle said...

Bird- YES!! Also, we need a committee to come up with a better way to say, "I read on someone's blog that..."---or worse, "Someone whose blog I read said that...".

Sam said...

This would be nothing less than heaven. HEAVEN. I would happily attend ALL chocolate chip tutorials and also, I think we need one of those kind of old-fashioned bath house situations so we could all sit around in our own personal tubs but still talk. And drink wine. And eat.

Swistle said...

Sam- YES! Tubs! And a sauna, do you think? And a heated pool.

Jenny H. said...

Where can I sign up? I am particularly interested in the fudge and trying Sephora products...

Astarte said...

This is one that definitely needs to happen in the winter so we can curl up on couches with blankets and wear cozy sweatshirts.

How about a seminar called 'Avoiding Chub Rub: Eat What You Want Without Having Corduroy Set Your Crotch Afire'