February 2, 2008

Jury Duty and Things Unsaid

Yesterday's mail brought the news that I've been excused from jury duty. On one hand, I'm SO RELIEVED. On the other hand, SO DISAPPOINTED! If I'd had all your comments and input BEFORE mailing them my crazy-person letter, I would have asked for a deferral rather than an excusal, or whatever the terms are.

Well. Onward to a totally awesome idea. I'm copying And You Know What Else, who was copying Bright Yellow World, who gives credit to Musings of a Semi-Coherent Mind, and that's as far back as I'm taking it. What you do is, you make a list of things you haven't said to people in your life. Each one should be directed at someone in particular. You don't say who you're saying each thing to, and you don't give a ton of backstory---you just say it. Like so:

1) We're not friends anymore. I don't understand why you don't understand.

2) You are so stupid, I'm embarrassed I dated you for so long.

3) You glue yourself to whoever tells you who you are. Is there any part of you that is YOU, or are you nothing more than a personality parasite?

4) I wish we'd dated. Even if it hadn't worked out, at least I would have known.

5) I'm so sorry you died. I think about you a lot. I don't know why you left without telling me you were going.

6) Do you seriously think I'm stupid enough to believe that you stopped calling because I was "too good for" you? Wow, you're a real saint, to be so self-sacrificial for my benefit. Whatever, pinehole. Before I was even out the door, you were on the phone to a girl who would put out. If you seriously believe you came out of that situation holding the flag of chivalry, you're more delusional than I thought.

7) I don't understand why you dropped out of touch. I thought you were the one who was more invested in our friendship.

8) I have dreams where I am hitting you as hard as I can, again and again, and the only thing I feel sorry about is that my dream-arms can't hit harder.

9) Maybe I should have formally ended our friendship, but I didn't know what to say. "You're a bad friend and a toxic person"? That didn't seem...constructive.

10) Neither of us made a choice to believe what we believe, and I think you'd feel better if you knew that.

11) Ever since I said those things to you, I have been feeling like a total idiot. But it's been so long, and I don't know how to take them back.

12) Dude. What was WITH you? I still don't get it.

36 comments:

Erin said...

Wow. This is fantastic. How do you know when to stop?

A Mom Two Boys said...

Awesome. Like Erin said...couldn't that list have gone on FOREVER? Mine certainly would. Or, maybe, will...

Swistle said...

Erin- I started making the list, and came to a point where it was a struggle to think of more people and more things to say, and I just stopped there.

-R- said...

The one about not knowing what to say to end the toxic friendship - me too. And I really like the one about the dream punching.

Swistle said...

A Mom Two Boys- You can always do a Part 2, like Bright Yellow World did!

donna said...

Wow, that's a great list. I'd post mine but some people that mine would be directed toward read my blog and would probably know I was talking to them. Maybe it's time for me to get a pink apartment in the city myself. Wink!

Lauren said...

Im so copying you and the rest of the crew. Can't wait to do this.

What a great idea!!

Omaha Mama said...

I'm glad you got excused. Excused or deferred, at least you don't have to try to figure out jury duty!

The list. Yours was good. If I started one, I'm not sure if I could stop. I leave things unsaid daily. My mouth-filter is on high and I rarely say what I wish I would have said.

K in the Mirror said...

Oh, this is so great.

Here's one of mine:

I don't want to be friends with you anymore either, but it really pisses me off that you stopped calling first.

Heather said...

Did it work? Do you feel better? I think it's a great idea if it allows you to let go of something and finally move on. And if it doesn't, then you know that there is a bigger issue than you thought and maybe you need to talk to that person face to face, or at least call them or write to them.

By the way, if you feel like Spreadin' the Love, I spread some to you on my blog.

Black Sheeped said...

I'm going to do this! Soon!

This is very exciting.

Swistle said...

Heather- It did seem therapeutic to me, to be trying to sum up in a sentence or so the complicated feelings I had toward someone else.

Going to check out your blog now!

nancypearlwannabe said...

Oh yay, I loved doing this one. It felt so good to get it out there, even if it was anonymous! (Although it did cause -R-'s husband to call her a hidden ball of rage- ha!)

Laura said...

I am so, so, so...so very number 5

Unfortunately, I have gotten far too good at saying exactly what I think to people. It is very cleansing and also, many times, not very helpful to me. But I do it anyway.

Nellyru said...

Ehh...I kind of THOUGHT I would have a very long list, but once I started thinking about it, it was actually pretty short...turns out I want to say the SAME THING to a LOT of different people:

"What the fuck is WRONG with you??"

(Am I allowed to say the f word here?? Sorry!)

Farrell said...

Hmmm...I guess I'll have to read the other people who did it to know if it "worked"/helped them too. I wrote many a letter (did not send) during my divorce to the "major and minor players"...................

Jess said...

I love these lists. I wanted to make one but there were only a few people to whom I wanted to say things, and they were all really specific and obvious, so it didn't seem fair.

amber said...

This is a great idea!

Katie said...

I'm totally relieved to know that if you just send in a crazy rant on the jury summons you can get out of it...in multiple states (it worked for me in Alaska).

Interesting post. I sat there thinking about all the things I wish I would have said. But, then I got depressed and went straight for the potato chips. So I stopped.

Maggie said...

I agree, this is completely fantastic.

I shall imeediately begin working on my own list.

the new girl said...

I love the: Dude. What was WITH you?

They are all good. I don't want to put mine on my blog b/c people read and would certainly know/suspect.

This is my big one though:

I am trying to forgive you and act like it's no big deal, but it really, really is a big deal to me and I don't know if I'll ever feel the same way as before.

Sorry to use your space but that felt really good!

MH said...

Wow- that was healthy! Ditto about a million times for #3, although my personality never attracted any parasites!
I just meet people who are parasiting someone else and that is SOOO annoying!

desperate housewife said...

I think my favorite was the "I wish you knew that neither of us chose to believe what we believe." I think that's really thought provoking.

Cass said...

I loved your list...as imitation is the greatest form of flattery I've done one of my own. It was so freeing to just put it out there.

Vicky said...

Here's mine: Your kid is a brat because he has every toy known to mankind and is not disciplined ever. It is not a big mystery.

Alice said...

LOVE. mine:

you are manipulative, and petty, and so passive aggressive it's almost comical. i wish i could say that i hope you're happy now, but i kind of don't.

Michele said...

I did it, and wow, that felt good to get all of that off of my chest.

Tessie said...

What a relief about the jury duty. I HAVE BEEN WONDERING. No worries, I'm sure you'll be picked again when you are in a better spot Children Wise.

Oh, #2. YES. Also, I have several versions of that one, replacing "stupid" with "mean", "rude", and "ignorant".

abbersnail said...

Thanks for the link! I loved the punching dream. I need to work that one into my "dream repertoire."

And I love that so many other people are doing it, too! Yay!

She Likes Purple said...

This is so good. I think I must do it too.

Don Mills Diva said...

I wish I had said EVERY one of those things to various people in my life - great read.

Pregnantly Plump said...

That must have been so cathartic! And you didn't even have to hurt anyone.

baby~amore' said...

very intriguing - just thinking about what I would have said or not left unsaid.
I will go there in my head tonight.

I could use you list word for word -t thinking certain people in mind. Inspiring !

Beenami said...

I just did it too! It was so great!

the Girls' Moma said...

Oh, I like this, I really, really like this.

I wish my dream-arms could hit harder, too.

Carrie said...

i came here from k in the mirror, and i'll be putting one up on my blog too! here's one:

your voice is so annoying. i can't believe you actually talk that way on purpose. can you not hear yourself???