Last night was a bad night: Henry was fine, just nursing as usual, but Elizabeth woke up crying at 3:10 a.m. and never did go back to sleep. I wrote a whole post about this and about how Paul handled things (a highlight: he hit the wall with his open palm and said in an aggrieved "is this too much to ask?" tone of voice to his post-surgery, up-breastfeeding-in-the-night wife, "ALL I want to do is SLEEP"), but then I deleted it because I noticed it crossed the line from "Ha, ha, my husband is such a cheesehead" into "I actually dislike him and this is a bad marriage," and since that's not true, I thought maybe 2 weeks postpartum on 4 hours of sleep was not the right time to write about whether he could possibly love me if he thinks missing sleep is so catastrophically miserable and yet happily lets me suffer it for eight and a half years and counting.
Then I wrote about The Sadness and how I feel it creeping up on me the way it always does after a baby, but then "The Sadness" seemed like such a stupid name as soon as it was out of my head and on the page, and the whole post seemed melodramatic, and I thought it sounded self-pitying and like I was asking for a huggy comment section, so out it went and I will talk about postpartum sadness some other time when I can handle it in a less maudlin manner.
Then I wrote half a sentence about kids not letting Rob sit down on the bus, and I realized I don't even want to think about that, let alone write about it.
It's a Down day. I was planning a Target trip, but what was I thinking? With four children, one of whom will want to nurse on 15 seconds' notice and one of whom woke up four hours too early and one of whom has been grabbing things off shelves and flinging them? I would end up grabbing upper arms and hissing, I just know it, so let's not do that today.
Instead I put in a load of laundry and tried not to go all martyr over it. Later perhaps I'll make some fudge. I'll nurse the baby and not try to do anything else. I am on the verge of tears for no reason, which is classic postpartum for me, and I think it would be best not to push it today.
Also, I have a question for you: What the hell are you doing for Father's Day? It snuck up on me and I have no idea what to do. I mean, what to have the kids do. I don't get Paul a present from me, but I organize the children to do something for him, and that usually means a trip to the store, but I don't see that happening. Should I just have them scribble some cards and then I can order a pizza or something? What are you doing that's easy and cheap? (Hey, keep it clean!)
Life-improving products, part 4 - (Continued from part 1, part 2, and part 3.) Stearns Youth Life Vest (photo from Amazon.com). I’d been too scared to take the kids to any body of water oth...